Is This Right?

Before coming to US, I wanted to tell her... but then Jacky suggested me not to... and Ida went on to tell him about it... Regret? Not very sure, seriously, I didn't know whether or not it was a good idea at all... I wasn't even sure how much my love for her can bring our relationship?

Jacky always say I think too much about the future and I should just try it out sometimes... Of course we have very good examples of that in UNMC... But then, I still think that I should respect and care for a girl that I like right? Final decision was to not express my feelings to her. Right before I board the plane, I sms her telling her I was leaving and that I would miss her a lot, hoping and dreaming that she would think of me occasionally.

In US, I kept thinking about her, logging on to MSN hoping she would be online, considerably spamming her Facebook... Even thought of calling her in some occasions... I knew I was getting a little crazy.

But then Jacky told me, if I lose my mind about her, then the relationship is as good as over. He said not to disturb her too much. And yes I agree that I might be disturbing her a little too much...

Jacky and Jing Yang enjoyed the company of the China girls but not me, I prefer to stay in my dorm and online, still hoping to catch her online... once in awhile. But then, she never reply me on Facebook, can't find her on MSN. It just makes me feel sad or maybe just down...

Then I met Elton on Skype, talked about this, he told me, if she is ignoring you then maybe it is time to forget about her.

And I saw someone who had a GF going around trying to get a few more...

And Jacky told me, it is about time I stop being Super Mr Nice Guy in such situations and just forget about it and move on... He told me, that I might be waiting for her but she might have already got another one...

Then Ida told me she is starting to lose her feelings for Willis... The last person I expected to tell me this.

Then there was this Taiwan girl, older than I was... and seriously, I guess everyone knew I would never take this up...

She was sweet and caring in many ways. Like a elder sister to me... because I was the youngest of all the internationals I guess...

But then we went on as good friends and jokingly I called her 妈咪... and she called me 儿子...

As time past, people started to think that we weren't just normal friends.

Then one of her friends asked me, 'Are you 2 together? Or are you 2 seriously just friends? because it doesn't seems so...'

Then Jacky asked me, '你喜欢她啊？' My reaction was to remind him that she is older than I am and Jacky immediately reply, '是时候改掉你那个想法了！' seriously? this does not help me at all.

And one day, her friend started talking to me about this age and relationship thing... -____-... JACKY!!!

I was still rejecting it but then, the more she talks about it the more I give in and that wasn't good i guess...

people around me started to support me to bring the relationship to a second level and holy cow, what am I suppose to do?

I want to know that this relationship/bond between me and her isn't a misunderstood relationship... and I don't know, I am just completely confused!!!